hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
