sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
