she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You ate ashes out of my bong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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