I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
