bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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