Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
