She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
