I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
