soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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