I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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