shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
