he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
