You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
