If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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