evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
