Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
