Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How's work?
Spinning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
