i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
