All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize