I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
