nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
