She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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