I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
