i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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