I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
