Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
