and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
