i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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