pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
