Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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