do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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