all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They took my balls.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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