Dual....:-)
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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