in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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