I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You can't special order awesome
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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