used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
