My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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