Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
