if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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