dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize