very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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