They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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