Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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