I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize