my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
