Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
