I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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