How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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