You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
