eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
