What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
