I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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