Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
