I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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