I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
