I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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