ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
