One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
