You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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