she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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