I never want to see another naked old woman again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
