i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just threw up on my dentist
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize