Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
