he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
