after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
