We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
