He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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