Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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