I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
