I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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